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Misery Business

     So, yesterday, try as I may, I could not get a minute to blog. Alice was home sick, and she was at the stage where you feel just well enough to whine and be demanding. I spent my time making milkshakes, baking bread pudding, and preparing food she felt like eating. I also spent time at the crowded grocery store, because I live in Georgia- in the area forecasted to get an inch of ice. Saturday and Sunday, I was walking outside in shorts.Tuesday, I was in the middle of the crowded grocery store. I posted on my Facebook page, I truly went to the store to get a can of reduced sodium Cream of Chicken Soup and I walked out with my soup and a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk. It has to be Southern genetics. Storm=bread+milk. Even though I don’t eat white bread. I eat rye or flatbread or pita.

     At least my stove is gas. Even if we lose power, which I am praying we don’t, no one here will go hungry. We did get a good bit of ice last night and this morning. There seems to be a lull and I hope it stays that way. The thing about being in the middle of an ice storm, is I have the overwhelming urge to bake and cook. Of all the things I can’t do or am not good at doing, cooking is not one of those things. AND, I like to eat my cooking. Luckily, Alice and Mickey devoured the bread pudding, which was made with chocolate chips, custard and croissants. I ate half a cup for dessert. It was amazing.

     Today, I got up and made this for breakfast: http://www.lynnskitchenadventures.com/2013/11/cinnamon-roll-baked-oatmeal.html Cinnamon roll baked oatmeal. People, I do not even like oatmeal and this was delicious. Great for a cold, winter, iced-in day. It tasted decadent and it is HEALTHY!

     So, why is today Misery Business? I have been planning this blog post for awhile. Being fat is miserable. Oh, not only do you have to deal with the fact there are virtually no cute clothes for the heavily overweight, you also have to deal with the snide remarks people make and the looks they give you. No matter what you buy to eat, you are going to get “the look.” You know the one I am talking about. The disdainful one that says, “why are you taking up space and breathing my air, fat person?” Try being a handicapped person with an invisible disease like heart failure. Summer is horrible. I swell, swell, swell in the heat. In order to grocery shop, I have to use the ride- on carts. I get plenty of looks and have heard people say, “If she would get off that cart and walk, she might not be so fat.” Fat-shaming and fat-bullying are alive and well and are the ONLY forms of bullying that seem completely socially acceptable. I even venture to say it is encouraged.

     Additionally, try using the restroom anywhere other than in your own home. Men, you have it a little easier. I have literally (and yes, I am using the word correctly) been almost standing on my head in the WalMart restroom, as I attempt to wipe my behind. Why? Well, I would LOVE to say because my arms are too short. However, I think it is because I have a giant stomach in the way. I have often wondered if I was just going to flip over and land flat on my back in the stall. Head down towards the ground, a$$ in the air, wiping my bottom like I just don’t care.

     I also keep a raw place under my breasts. Not fun at all. Misery Business, actually. Part of it is caused by being fat, the other is caused by being large-breasted. I was a 36DD by 9th grade and I was a size 7. The girls aren’t as perky as they were back then. In fact, I am pretty sure while they aren’t quite friends with my knees yet, they do have a fairly good relationship with my belly button. I wash under them 3x a day with Dial, dry carefully, blow-dry to make sure they are REALLY dry, (Aside, my hair sweats and my breasts get blow-dried.) and apply different remedies. Since I started working out, they are getting worse, due to the sweating. I do clean immediately after exercise. It’s one of those have to get worse, before I get better.

     Even friends can be vicious. I once had a friend tell me after heart surgery that I had “done this to myself.” I was just too heart-sick and tired to tell her that no, I might be fat, and it probably didn’t help, but I have hereditary heart disease. My grandmother, who was a size 4, had a two heart attacks. My uncle who is slightly underweight has CAD and has undergone by-pass. My great-uncle dealt with CHF all his life and finally died from it. My grandfather had PAD, a close cousin to CAD.

     I am changing my lifestyle for ME, though. It just won’t work if you are doing it for others. It has to be for you and for reasons that inspire you. For me, it’s small things. I want to wear a pair of real jeans. I want to ride a real bicycle again, outside. I want to buy a cute sweater and undies from Victoria’s Secret. I want to quit sweating just from climbing a set of stairs. Oh yeah, I want to be able to wipe my fanny in a restroom without having a close, personal relationship with the floor of the stall.

Disclaimer: I received nothing from either WalMart or Victoria’s Secret for mentioning them. I can’t wear ANYTHING from VS at this point, anyway.

 

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5 thoughts on “Misery Business

  1. You need friends NOT to say things like that. Good grief! How people can shame/bully is incomprehensible. There but for the grace of God, right? I would wager that 99.9% of those who shame and bully others have a body that they didn’t have to work for. You keep positive and keep moving forward and don’t let others get you down!

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