Changes

Well, it has been over a week since I last blogged. Remember how I wasn’t feeling well? I had a horrible stomach virus. I ended up in the hospital with it. They gave me a medication for pain, that pretty well left me drooling in the corner and a medication of nausea, which I am going to go with “didn’t work”, since I also had to get one of their pretty, green puke bags. I had not thrown up since 2006. It was also the first time since heart surgery. I didn’t think my sternum would still hurt. I was wrong.

However, last Monday, thanks to Mr. Tummy Virus, I had lost 3.4 pounds. Hey, if I have to be sick, at least I can look on the bright side. Last week, I was still recovering. No energy, very weak, not much of an appetite. I also didn’t exercise. Every time I stood up, I would feel nauseated and dizzy. I am sure Jillian probably would not be very understanding. I can just hear her yelling at me, telling me not to be such a wuss. That is why you will NOT find me on “The Biggest Loser.” However, I got on the scale this morning and lost 2.4 pounds last week, for a grand total of 28.0 pounds lost in the past 65 days. My goal is 30 by May, and I am thinking I am going to make it.

This week is a little different. I am not expecting to lose anything. Mickey’s sons, Jimminy and Panic, are here visiting and I have been cooking for them. Last night, I made Irish Soda Bread and a Guiness Reduction Dipping Sauce, Shepherd’s Pie, and Bread and Butter pudding, all from Downtown Disney’s Raglan Road Irish Restaurant. Can you say amazing? Can you also say bad, bad, bad? But again, it is life and I am going to enjoy this week. Tonight is homemade chicken and dumplin’s, tomorrow night we are eating at Mickey’s parents, and Wednesday, we leave for a 3-day vacation in the mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee. One of my all-time favorite restaurants is there and it is an incredible all-you-can-eat buffet and I intend to eat all I can. I will get back on track next week. I am still refraining from soda’s, still tracking all my food, and thus far, I haven’t gone over my allotted 1360 calories, which since my last loss, turned into 1300 calories. I know I will Wednesday-Friday, though.

I entitled this post “Changes,” because I am going through a lot of changes, recently. Yeah, I am going through THE change, but I’m not talking about that at this time. I made the decision to go back to school. Specifically, back to UGA where I left after my sophomore year. I spent the majority of last week emailing and writing people in the Registrar’s office, the Admission’s office, Financial Aid, and the Adviser’s Office. All I am waiting on now is to find out if I received enough Financial Aid to be able to afford to go back to UGA. If I have, school will start for me on my 47th Birthday.

I plan to receive a degree in Dietetics. I have learned so much as I have been on my weight loss journey. I have watched my health slowly improve by adding exercise. I am having to take a little less medication. I want to become a Registered Dietician and treat people like myself. I feel I can approach them from a position of empathy and understanding and tell them, ” I have been there. I know what you are going through.” I really feel as if I would be good at this career path. I am hoping I can earn a degree and get a job and by that time be down to half my original starting weight. I am hoping the exercise is making my heart stronger. I hope my blood pressure will regulate and stay down. I want to be able to tell Social Security, “I am no longer disabled. I can work. I am productive. I am a person, NOT a statistic.” I also hope I can manage to use the school restrooms or there are going to be some long days ahead.

There will be challenges to going back to school at my age. The biggest being my major course of study requires LOTS of science. Lots. As in 8 different science classes, BEFORE I even hit my Food Science classes. Did I mention that the last time I took a science class, it was 1985? The second challenge is going to be my age. I am going to walk into class and be mistaken for the professor. Mickey said I should have fun with it. Introduce myself, tell them I AM the professor, then tell them the class will be meeting in a completely different room.

Alice insists I probably won’t make many friends. That’s ok, though, you know? I have had some friend issues here in my real life, some I know the reason for, some I don’t. It’s still ok. Like Alice says, soon I will be very busy and between my studies, and Alice and Mickey, and my home life as a wife and mother, as well as spending time with Mickey’s parents and my Aunt and Uncle, I won’t even notice that I am not in touch with some of my friends. Some, like Miss Jenni, I will always have time for. I couldn’t do this whole thing without Jenni, sister Judy, Alice and Mickey. And of course, all of you who support me, here.

Disclaimer: I have received nothing from Ragland Road, Jillian Michaels or UGA for mentioning them in this post. However, if UGA wants to throw some financial aid my way, I am certainly not opposed.

 

 

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Cold As Ice

I really wish Spring would arrive and stick around for awhile. Sunday, the temperature was a wonderful 73 degrees. Today, the high was projected at 45, but if it ever got there, it didn’t stay long. Every time I have looked at my phone, it has been in the 30-36 range, with colder temps due to the wind chill factor. It isn’t that I HATE the colder weather, in fact, it used to be my favorite time of year. Ever since heart surgery, cold weather hurts my sternum, where it was cut, my ankle, where the vein was taken, and well my knees and hips because I am getting older and because my poor joints have had to support my heavy frame for all these years.

Today was really bad. My hips and knees have hurt way down deep in the bone. Yesterday, I was in pain for another reason. One I haven’t even figured out just yet. Yesterday, I hurt like I did when I was having a gall bladder attack. Only, I no longer have a gall bladder. The pain happens every now and then for different reasons. It is intermittent and no one thing seems to set it off. It feel like a huge lead ball is located in the middle of my chest just below my sternum. It presses through to my spine and presses down on my ribs, making it hard to draw a breath. If anyone has any idea what this could be and how to avoid it, please let me know. Jenni has suggested a hiatal hernia. (Just for the record, if it is one, I think I will name it. Spell-check keeps wanting to change the name of hiatal to Latisha, which is kind of funny because that is one of my sons who I haven’t named, ex-girlfriends. it is almost apropos to name something that causes me such pain Latisha.)

Since I hurt yesterday and today, I let Jillian down. Yesterday, I rode my bike for 30 minutes. I was so tender and sore in my chest, I was afraid to bounce around a lot. Today, everything has ached so much, I have spent the day cuddled up in my recliner with my blanket. It’s ok, though. Jillian isn’t going anywhere and hopefully, tomorrow, I will be right as rain.

So, Sunday, I went to my friend Belle’s house for her annual Oscar Party. Every year, she has a party where she makes ballots and we all vote on who we think is going to win. We get one point for each of these we get correct. The winner gets a special prize. For those of you who don’t know me, I love movies. All types of movies. Every year, I make it my mission to watch every movie nominated for an award. I also watch each one that someone is nominated for in the Best and Supporting categories, as well as the documentaries, short and long and the short and long animations and the short films. Yeah, I guess I am a movie nerd. Anyway, I won by getting the most correct. I only missed three total– Best Make-Up, Best Live Short and Best Animated Short. I got the Swag Bag, which consisted of champagne, chocolates and strawberries. The chocolates will go in Alice’s lunch, the strawberries will be eaten and I am saving the champagne for my mini vacation with Mickey.

Anyway, the party was great. I ate some yummy food, and even though I had saved my calories, I still went over by ALMOST TWO THOUSAND. I liked to have died. It wasn’t the food that really was the killer. I had a load of fresh shrimp (healthy), my homemade light chicken salad with celery (healthy), some of Rapunzel’s homemade canapes which were fairly healthy, four mini pinwheel sandwich things, which weren’t too bad and three mini eclairs, again, not really too bad. Know what did me in? Five Lindor truffles at 70 calories each and the biggie? Two Mimosa’s. Mmmmmm Champagne and orange juice.

Mimosa’s aren’t something I have very often. In fact, I usually have them once a year–at the Oscar Party. They are extremely high in calories, but they make me feel so decadent and so rich. And trust me, the only time I feel rich is then. Mickey works hard and all my needs are met, and some of my wants. I am not gonna lie, though. We live paycheck to paycheck and there are some really tight weeks. Anyway, the Mimosa’s were delicious and Belle is excellent in putting them and the party together. I would say, Oscar season is probably my favorite.

In spite of over indulging in champagne and chocolates, I still managed to lose 2 pounds this week. I have now lost a total of 22.2 pounds in 51 days. I wish it were coming off faster, but it is coming off healthy, which means it has more of a chance to stay off. I am REALLY hoping the exercise will result in some muscles and will stop my skin from sagging horribly. Surgery to tuck it all back in is around 13,000.00. I don’t see me scraping that up. If the exercise doesn’t work, at least I will be a strong saggy, baggy elephant.

Any of you giving up something for Lent? I am not Catholic, but I try to give something up each year. This year, I am giving up using disposable plates and cups. We use them a lot because I do not have a dishwasher and I hate washing dishes. So, for the Lenten season, I will rejoice in my God while I wash my dishes.

That’s the thing about us Christian Southerners. We take the parts we like from each religion and kind of incorporate and make them our own. That’s also why I am going to enjoy pancakes tonight on Shrove Tuesday.

This entry has kind of been all over the place. Hey, it is a reflection of me. Where else can you read about movies, God, exercise, being fat and losing weight all in one place?

If you have any ideas on what is making me hurt, let me know. You don’t have to be a doctor or even play one on tv.

Let it Go

Today is just a very quick check-in to say hello. Hope everyone is having a great weekend. The weather here is beautiful. I am very ready for Spring to arrive. I am not ready to spring my clock forwards, though. I like having the sun out in the evening and late afternoon, but I really hate losing that hour. It seems as if I can tell and miss it for weeks.

I have had a pretty rough weekend. I need to just let it all go. I got into a petty, stupid fight on stupid Facebook with someone. This person is no longer a part of my life and is not someone I have to see or deal with on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. I do not know why I let this person get under my skin. But he did. He implied stuff and behaved in what I can only describe as a “douchey” manner. I didn’t have to sink to his level, but I did. I said something very unkind and mean. I can make all the excuses I want, but ultimately, I am responsible for MY behavior. No one else. Sadly, while part of my brain knows this, the other part does not and is wildly cooking up revenge schemes.

I know I am hurting no one but myself. But it is so hard to let go of anger and resentment and hurt feelings. Any other time and I would have eaten my feelings away. I guess that is what I am struggling with. Having to actively deal with how I feel, instead of putting them away in a tight little box of Oreos, or Girl Scout cookies, or Key Lime Pie or Pizza or French Fries, and well, this list could go on without end.

I was up until after 4 am this morning. I could not sleep because I was in a RAGE over this incident. I blocked him on Facebook and now I never have to see his comments and he can never see mine. That’s sensible. If I can just convince my head to be sensible. I know ALL the platitudes about how “I am allowing him to take up space in my head,” and “I am only hurting myself,” and “Anger is a base emotion.” But, what is the best way to deal with real, justified (at least to me), anger? I think I will allow myself another day or two to be angry, then I will attempt to let it go.

I think I need to let go of all my anger and frustration that has built up for a long time. I also think I could probably exercise all of my anger out, or at least exercise until I can’t move and can only think about how I need to catch my breath. I can see it now, from smoking addict to food addict to exercise addict. Merely swapping one addiction for another.

I realize I am not being very humorous today. I am just being me and being honest. I am already the bigger person by weight and default. I should let this go.